Your Neighbors' Weed Habit Is Smoking You Out—What Should You Do?

Michelle Buteau is a mother, wife, dog mama, actor, writer, comedian, and TV host. Her book of autobiographical essays, Survival of the Thickest, will soon be a Netflix series. She also co-hosts the popular podcast Adulting on the Exactly Right network. With all this life experience, we trust Michelle's ability to navigate a number of social quandaries. Here's her advice to our readers in the December 2022 issue of Real Simple.

Get Off My Lawn

IDA: My neighbors’ kids, ages 9 and 6, have made a habit of playing in my front yard. I let it happen for a bit, thinking it was going to be temporary, but it has become very frequent—and irritating and loud. I’ve talked to the kids and the parents, and they still come back. I don’t want to be known as the cranky neighbor. How do I get them to stop?

MICHELLE: I’m so mad your neighbors have put you in this position! Ya give them an inch and they take a mile and it’s not fair. Ida, you are not a cranky neighbor. You just want people to respect your boundaries. In the words of Beverly Hills Real Housewife Lisa Rinna, own it! Confrontation isn’t fun, but at least you can go into this conversation knowing you’re right. You’ve asked multiple times for these kids not to play on your lawn, and you’ve asked nicely. We work hard to have our own space—it’s our peace of mind, and we cannot feel guilty about that. Have another talk with the parents. If that doesn’t work, write a nice but firm letter. And if that doesn’t work, let’s put a sign on your lawn that says “Private Property.” You got this, Ida! Own it!

Suspicious Scents

ANDREW: My wife and I moved into an apartment about six months ago, and it often smells like marijuana when we walk through our front door. We have neighbors on either side of us, and we think we know which unit the stench is coming from. We could tell management, but we’re afraid of getting people into trouble (marijuana is illegal in our state). We haven’t brought it up with either set of neighbors, because we don’t want to sound accusatory. What should we do?

MICHELLE: I know a lot of smokers, and I’m not just talking about Traeger grills that pop up during BBQ season. Sorry for the mom jokes, Andrew! I understand you want to nip this in the bud, but don’t contact your building management just yet. Go talk to your neighbors. Be friendly. Tell them you and your wife smell pot all the time, you’re not sure who it might be (even if you think you know!), and though you’re in a no-judgment zone, the smoke is affecting your home, pillows, plants, clothes. Say that because it’s illegal, you don’t want to see anyone get into trouble. See where it goes. Perhaps add that an open window, air purifier, or door draft stopper might help. If you come from a place of “helpful neighbor” (which you are, by the way—no lies told!), I think this will be a win-win situation. Let’s fix up this joint! Andrew, I’m sorry! I couldn’t help myself!

Blinded by the (Flood)light

BETH: Instead of a regular old porch light, my across-the-street neighbors have installed a floodlight. It points directly into my house and is left on pretty much all the time. Yes, even in the middle of the night! We’ve never spoken, only sharing the occasional wave when our paths cross, and the light has been an issue for months now. What can I do?

MICHELLE: Oh no, Beth! Not pointed at your house and in the middle of the night! We need our sleep to keep us cute! What makes the most sense is to have a chat, and hopefully they’re reasonable people. Bring a basket of something delicious. Introduce yourself, compliment their home, then get to the floodlight. Ask: “May I address the floodlight?” Tell them it glares into your room at night and it’s hard to sleep. You could suggest using a motion sensor for the light so it’s not on the whole time. Say you’ve considered blackout curtains. (Have you? I love them.) Thank them for their time and consideration. Shared spaces are always a compromise, even when you know the person! But like every pin and magnet at the flea market says, you attract more flies with honey than vinegar.

To Rock the Boat or Not?

MANDY: We moved into our neighborhood last winter, and this summer we’ve realized that our neighbor across the street likes to park his truck and boat in front of his house. It’s visually displeasing, and because our driveways back into each other, we have to be extra careful when we’re leaving. Can we ask him to move his vehicles? Or is this one of those situations where we just have to let it go?

MICHELLE: Oh boy, Mandy! I feel your pain. I have neighbors who own six cars. Six! Who needs six cars? Is there one for every day of the week? (If so, they better get another!) Whenever I want to host a party, I have to put in a written request for them to move their cars. But here we are. Like Michelle Obama says, it is what it is. They’re kind people who just happen to have a penchant for cars. I don’t want to get into my obsession with jumpsuits and ankle boots, so I’ll just say I’m lucky my closet isn’t a shared space with my neighbors. I agree with you, Mandy— it is visually displeasing and an added stressor when trying to back out of your driveway. But “it is what it is.” He’s a nice guy who has a truck and likes the water. Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where I think you’re going to have to let it go. Once you accept that your neighbor’s lifestyle is part of your everyday life (it’s kinda like you all own a boat, only you just get to look at it), I think it’ll bother you less. Good luck, Mandy!